-- Death Cab for Cutie
I've never asked for much. Well, at least I thought I never did. I've always been a pretty laid-back, easy-going kind of guy, enjoying the simple things in life and never falling into the excesses of it. Some people ask for too much, demand it even, but that was never in my cards, I was always happy with the hand I was dealt. Either way I knew how to play the game so to speak, rolling with the punches even when the going got tough.
But you always hit those speed bumps in the road that you never quite see, sometimes they're unexpected, and other times they're just goddamn annoying and you try to get past them the fastest way possible . . . and if that's the case you usually have to brace yourself for a rough ride. I've lived this far into my life letting courtesy, kindness, and common sense guide me even into obstacles and areas I once thought were impossible to overcome, but I've also had to learn that not everyone runs on that type of fuel. Other people would rather fuel themselves with other feelings, other wants and desires, and that's fine . . . if you plan to run your ride into the ground.
I've seen a vast majority of friends go through bitter relationships, salvaging anything they could in the hopes of getting something right "the next time." But the one thing that is prevalent in every one of them was the total lack of communication and care. They often treated their significant other as an object or a thing, rather than a human being with a heart. Most of the time it was a one-sided affair, one person giving while the other took without ever bothering to realize how the other felt. How someone can not know that simple little fact is beyond me, but I absolutely detest the responses "I don't know" or just plain silence when a person is confront about the reasoning behind what they were thinking.
So it comes as no surprise when I have to deal with these issues on my own. Granted I haven't really ever had to handle these situations as often as other people because, quite frankly, people seem to love to date and have fun, switching out people as often as they do their underwear. And that's an understatement. But I pour my heart out when I finally think I've found the one . . . and it sucks to get it thrown back in your face through apathy and distant carelessness.
"Today the journey is ended, I have worked out the mandates of fate; naked, alone, undefended, I knock at the uttermost gate. Behind is life and its longing, its trial, its trouble, its sorrow; beyond is the infinite morning of a day without a tomorrow."
-- Wenonah Stevens Abbott, A Soul's Soliloquy
Dealing with people's pasts has always been a problem with me, more so than people probably think. It's the gateway that leads to your future and ultimately shows who you once were and why you are letting go to become who you want to be. And when you are in a relationship, the topic of "the exes" is bound to come up, as it has with me, where I've laid out my heart and soul when it comes to how I feel about them and how that can hurt me sometimes. Oh well, in my line of work I've been screwed over too many times to count. I suppose things don't really change overnight, if at all. Roll with the punches.
"You never quite outlive your sins."
Other problems arise when you give someone your heart, but they don't see fit to show it right back or for some reason have no response as to why they've done so. Conflict upon conflict; it builds until you realize that everything could be resolved if an individual would just put the time and care to listen and understand people, to read the obvious clues and signs that shine forth like bright, neon lights. Even the colorblind can figure that out because if you truly care about someone, you would get to know them, and there's no excuse for not understanding something so fundamental.
"An essential component of common courtesy is awareness and common sense-looking outside yourself to see when someone needs help or acknowledgment."
I stumbled upon that interesting segment while researching for a story I was writing. It's weird how things seem to strike a chord with you or make themselves visible when you're not looking for them, but it makes sense, and I wish people would just have the compassion to do something like that for others at least every once and a while. It may seem like a tall order, but the execution is rife with rewards.
"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution."
-- Kahil Gibran
But like any person, and like any type of relationship, the road to living is laden with bumps, speed bumps most likely, of varying sizes to remind us of our human nature. Maybe we're all at fault somehow at the end of the day, no matter what efforts you put in to either save or sink a ship trying its best to stay afloat. Work and school should keep me busy as it always has though, remaining my loyal companions even during the tough times . . . whether I want it to or not. At least my heart will get a rest when my brain kicks into high gear I suppose.
"A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it."