Figuring out people can be a challenging task for anyone. Figuring out yourself, however, can be a real conundrum. There's no doubt that I have fought against the grain, resisting conformity in order to achieve perfection, senses of great self worth, and ultimately adding "value" to myself. I play everything safe, wanting to please everyone without first looking what will benefit me, selfish as that sounds. Sometimes though, I wish someone would do those same exact things for me.
We all have expectations and outlooks about different people. We either want them to succeed, or more times than not, fail at different aspects of life. We are human, it happens unfortunately (or fortunately if you're into that sort of thing). Just as I work hard, discipline myself to avoid the temptations and negatives, and ultimately go out of my way to talk with anyone that enters my life, lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on, the fact remains that I remain empty. I let my selfish tendencies get the best of me sometimes, feeling lonely more times than not just for the hope that a little effort would be thrown in my direction to appreciate who I am, or at the very least for someone to express positive feelings towards me.
I know that is unrealistic and goes against some of the ideas that I believe, but a little bit goes a long way with me. It doesn't take much to impress me, hell as long as you respect and show a genuine interest then I am fair game to anyone. We all have an innate, human desire to be wanted and loved, washing away the lonely tendencies just long enough to make us realize we all have some level of self-worth, no matter how much time you put into it as I foolishly do. People will either love you, hate you, or remain indifferent, and like anyone else I have to learn that the large amounts of effort I put into making everyone "satisfied" with me usually doesn't add up to all that much. I can not wait for anyone to be pleased with me. I can not wait for anyone to "approve" of me. I can not wait for anyone to admire everything I have gone through; everything I have accomplished. No one should - we shouldn't expect anything from anyone other than a genuine interest to get to know who we really are with the best of intentions, and to the people who most deserve it of course. Otherwise we'll be overestimating people that simply can't meet such lofty expectations (which they shouldn't have to), we'll underestimate the people who do have something worthwhile to offer, and ultimately we'll waste time on the individuals that don't deserve the opportunity.
Clementine: "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up
girl who's lookin' for my own piece of mind; don't assign me yours."
Joel: "I remember that speech really well."
Clementine: "I had you pegged, didn't I?"
Joel: "You had the whole human race pegged."
Clementine: "Hmm. Probably."
Joel: "I still thought you were gonna save my life ... even after that."
--Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Therein lies a significant conflict though: a person's wants and needs already laying judge to the people they meet. Our expectations, desires, and hopes can radically shift who a person is before ever getting a chance to get to know the individual, wanting them to be somebody they are not, while at the same time being disappointed in different aspects without first understanding the person themselves. It's the basic idea of shooting someone in the foot before they even begin to walk, and it happens more often than you probably think . . . or at least want to admit to.
I am my own person, and whether someone wants to judge or criticize me before ever getting to understand who I am is their business. I am who I am, and if someone does not make clear their true intentions with me then that's their personal struggle, not mine. I am a person who makes time for anyone when I can, who doesn't discriminate or use the "great powers" of superficiality to dictate who I will become, and whether that proves to be something that someone simply can't handle is no longer of my concern. It's a learning process for sure, just like everything is, but being your own person for the benefit of you alone has never felt so satisfying and refreshing.
"Having been appointed by a Republican president and being accused now of being a flaming liberal on the court, the Republicans think I'm a traitor, I guess, and the Democrats don't trust me. And so I twist in the wind...beholden to no one, and that's just exactly where I want to be."
-- Harry Blackmun, Supreme Court Justice
We all have expectations and outlooks about different people. We either want them to succeed, or more times than not, fail at different aspects of life. We are human, it happens unfortunately (or fortunately if you're into that sort of thing). Just as I work hard, discipline myself to avoid the temptations and negatives, and ultimately go out of my way to talk with anyone that enters my life, lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on, the fact remains that I remain empty. I let my selfish tendencies get the best of me sometimes, feeling lonely more times than not just for the hope that a little effort would be thrown in my direction to appreciate who I am, or at the very least for someone to express positive feelings towards me.
I know that is unrealistic and goes against some of the ideas that I believe, but a little bit goes a long way with me. It doesn't take much to impress me, hell as long as you respect and show a genuine interest then I am fair game to anyone. We all have an innate, human desire to be wanted and loved, washing away the lonely tendencies just long enough to make us realize we all have some level of self-worth, no matter how much time you put into it as I foolishly do. People will either love you, hate you, or remain indifferent, and like anyone else I have to learn that the large amounts of effort I put into making everyone "satisfied" with me usually doesn't add up to all that much. I can not wait for anyone to be pleased with me. I can not wait for anyone to "approve" of me. I can not wait for anyone to admire everything I have gone through; everything I have accomplished. No one should - we shouldn't expect anything from anyone other than a genuine interest to get to know who we really are with the best of intentions, and to the people who most deserve it of course. Otherwise we'll be overestimating people that simply can't meet such lofty expectations (which they shouldn't have to), we'll underestimate the people who do have something worthwhile to offer, and ultimately we'll waste time on the individuals that don't deserve the opportunity.
Clementine: "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up
girl who's lookin' for my own piece of mind; don't assign me yours."
Joel: "I remember that speech really well."
Clementine: "I had you pegged, didn't I?"
Joel: "You had the whole human race pegged."
Clementine: "Hmm. Probably."
Joel: "I still thought you were gonna save my life ... even after that."
--Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Therein lies a significant conflict though: a person's wants and needs already laying judge to the people they meet. Our expectations, desires, and hopes can radically shift who a person is before ever getting a chance to get to know the individual, wanting them to be somebody they are not, while at the same time being disappointed in different aspects without first understanding the person themselves. It's the basic idea of shooting someone in the foot before they even begin to walk, and it happens more often than you probably think . . . or at least want to admit to.
I am my own person, and whether someone wants to judge or criticize me before ever getting to understand who I am is their business. I am who I am, and if someone does not make clear their true intentions with me then that's their personal struggle, not mine. I am a person who makes time for anyone when I can, who doesn't discriminate or use the "great powers" of superficiality to dictate who I will become, and whether that proves to be something that someone simply can't handle is no longer of my concern. It's a learning process for sure, just like everything is, but being your own person for the benefit of you alone has never felt so satisfying and refreshing.
"Having been appointed by a Republican president and being accused now of being a flaming liberal on the court, the Republicans think I'm a traitor, I guess, and the Democrats don't trust me. And so I twist in the wind...beholden to no one, and that's just exactly where I want to be."
-- Harry Blackmun, Supreme Court Justice
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